Bazooka Howls for September 30

by

R. J. Johnson

 

– The White House has a new slogan about the attacks in the Middle East: Hope and Change Your Story.

– The economy is so bad, people are joining Romney’s 47% just for the ritzy life style.

– Monica Lewinsky is getting 12 million dollars for a book on Bill Clinton. The last time there was this much talk about Monica and Bill, Hillary Clinton got a Senate seat.

– According to a study at the University of Amsterdam, having sex makes your brain grow and you get smarter. Paris Hilton gave the rebuttal.

– A chef in L.A. who killed his wife and slow-cooked her body in a barrel of hot water has been convicted of murder. The reaction from his lawyer? “That’s a crock!

And finally…

So long from Hollywood, where contempt breeds familiarity.

 

 

Bazooka Blasts for September 22, 2012

by

R.J. Johnson

–  The White House has a new slogan: Hope and Boy Did Things Change in the Middle East.
–  Weather experts say Death Valley is the hottest place on the entire planet.  The second hottest place?  Any American flag in the Middle East.
–  What a warm weekend.  It was hotter than a Lebanese KFC during a Death to America riot.
–  It’s so hot, people were trying to find Nemo just to take a cool  dip in the ocean.
– It was so hot in Arizona, even white people were sweating when the cops pulled ‘em over.
–  It was so hot in Egypt, American flags were burning by themselves.
–  It was so hot, the Royal family got naked and told photographers, “Take our picture.  Who cares?”
–  Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year.  And I got invited to a bad Jewish New Year’s Eve party by the President of Iran.
It’s BYOB.  Bring your own bomb.
 And finally….
–  Pres. Obama is ahead in a number of polls.  The bad news?  Norway called.  They want their Nobel Peace Prize back.

Explosive Jokes From September 10 Bazooka

by R. J. Johnson

– You know the phrase, Justice is blind? Well, after watching Antonio Villaraigosa call for a vote, I’d say it’s deaf, too.

– Did you see Antonio Villaraigosa at the convention trying to get God back into their platform? Clint Eastwood ain’t looking so bad now, is he?

– Bill Clinton spent 50 minutes talking about what Obama has done during his first term as President. The last time Bill did this much explaining, Hillary got a Senate seat.

– In Thailand, the grandson of the man who created Red Bull was busted for leaving the scene of an accident. You know what the Red Bull grandson was charged with don’t you?

Hit and run and run and run and run and run…

– This weekend, a woman in Pennsylvania said a statue of a 400-pound gorilla had been stolen from her house. Turns out it was there all the time, but no one wanted to admit that a 400 pound gorilla was in the room.

– A group called The Voter Integrity Project said they found 30,000 names of dead people in North Carolina who are still registered to vote. Or as they call that in Chicago, a good start.

– The Democratic Convention had a prayer room and reporters said it was usually empty. Unless Joe Biden was speaking.

And finally….

– At 3:00am on Monday, we had an earthquake in Beverly Hills. It shook so much, husbands actually stopped having sex to go home and check on their wife.

 

 

 

Bazooka Pops for Labor Day

Hey, it’s a Holiday week-end.  Sit back, relax, have a few laughs, here’s the Latest from R.J. Johnson!

 

1) According to Reuters, Vladimir Putin has 20 homes, 4 yachts, 58 planes & 700 cars. Or as Mitt Romney calls that, “A good start.”

 

4) Snooki’s baby already took his first steps…to a liquor store for cigarettes.

 

3) I’m not saying Snooki is a party girl but her delivery started when her wine broke.

 

4) Actually, experts said Clint Eastwood made a great point.

This is what Obama would sound like without his teleprompter.

 

 

5) The price of gas went up faster than Prince Harry’s pants when he had to meet the Queen.

 

 

2) The latest craze for girls is what they call Model Camp.

But model camp is not all work. At night, they sit around the camp fire roasting sticks.

 

 

4) Naked pictures of Prince Harry? Bad. Naked pictures of his stepmother Camilla Bowles? Criminal.

 

1) According to a new book called “Understanding Asexuality,” 1% of the population is asexual and they feel absolutely no sexual attraction to other people. Actually, they just had their big convention, Comic-Con.

 

I saw the film “The Odd Life of Timothy Green.” It’s where a couple buries a list of what they want in a child, it rains and the next morning a 10-year-old boy shows up at their door. It’s like if Angelina Jolie had a Chia Pet.

 

 

ABC has a new show called “666 Park Ave” where you can get everything you desire in New York for a price. Except a cab if you’re black.

 

 

1) I saw the film “The Odd Life of Timothy Green.” It’s where a couple writes a list of what they want in a child, they bury the list in their garden and the next morning a 10-year-old boy shows up at their door. Which is also how the Amish explain the facts of life, if I’m not mistaken.

 

 

3) Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan hired Clint Eastwood. Not to make a movie. To keep kids off their lawn while they’re on the campaign trail.

 

 

 

 

 

Joke Bombs of the Week

R.J. Johnson

– It’s so hot, Mitt Romney said the sun burned up his old tax returns.

 

– The Obama slogan about looking at the future is, “Yes We Can.” Not to be confused with the Romney slogan about looking at his tax returns, “No You Can’t.”

 

– The Mars rover is called Curiosity and it’s sending photos you can see on your computer. Not to be confused with

a computer page called Bi-Curiosity. That’s a web site with photos about a whole different thing.

 

– Gold medalist Ryan Lochte is handsome. His mom said he likes one-night-stands. And he told reporters that he pees in the swimming pool. Olympics? Sounds more like “The Jersey Shore” to me.

 

– A nudist camp in Florida is holding a weekend bash to attract a younger crowd, like 18-30. Doesn’t Florida already have a big party every year to attract young nudists? It’s called Spring Break, right?

 

– I got an e-mail today from Joe Biden. The bad news?

It was a chain letter.

 

– The economy is so tough on health care, Joe Biden volunteered to be an appendix donor.

 

– According to the Associated Press, people in South Korea are eating dogs because they say it gives them the stamina to beat the heat. One side effect? They start panting and drooling when they’re out in the sun too long.

 

– This is so bad. U.S. judo competitor Nick Delpopolo was expelled from the Olympics after eating a brownie with marijuana. But he said he’ll be back in four years.

His new event? Thai-Stick Kwon Do.

 

– U.S. judo competitor Nick Delpopolo was expelled from the Olympic after eating a brownie containing marijuana. The really strange part? His first match was with Willie Nelson.

 

– A hearse driver in L.A. died while taking a body to a funeral home. The cause of death? Clogged ironies.

 

– You know Joe Biden’s least favorite song, don’t you?

“Chain of Fools.”

 

– Bill Gates is sponsoring a competition to reinvent the toilet. Didn’t he already do that? Wasn’t it called Windows 95?

Bazooka Bomb of the week from R.J. Johnson

R.J. Johnson:

 

– Times are so tough, I saw people at Greenpeace selling Humpback Whale cookbooks.

 

– The temperature is 109 degrees in Arizona. It’s so hot, even white people are sweating when the cops pull ‘em over.

 

– The economy in Hollywood is so bad, the guy from “127 Hours” hiked in the desert & cut off his other arm just for a sequel.

 

– From Hollywood, where if you give a man enough hope, he’ll hang himself.

 

– Gotta go, this blog is more fun than head lice.

 

Google me. I need the attention.

 

 

Funny – The Book by David Mirsch

A Review by Five

In FUNNY: THE BOOK, thirty-five year show business veteran David Misch went deep undercover to investigate the secrets of comedy, while producing a very humorous page-turner in and of itself. His mission was to explore the origins, definition, rules, and purpose of comedy, as well as what it tells us about the human condition.

In an attempt to explain the history of Ha!, the author writes, “Humor was probably invented by a Neanderthal who tripped over a log to amuse his cave-mates, then fell into the fire and burned to death, thereby inventing irony as well.” Whether this is true or not, one can only wait for the invention of a time travel device to either substantiate this theory or debunk it altogether.

(And speaking of history, for those who are curious about the oldest fart joke on record, according to Misch it goes back to the ancient Sumerians in 1900 BC. To hear, rather, read the actual joke, the author expresses his heartfelt wish that you lay down a few bucks and purchase the book. )

A thorough guided tour of early Hollywood rounds out the historical perspective of FUNNY: THE BOOK, complete with scores of anecdotal stories about the tricksters and early stars of the silver screen. From Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton, to Mae West and that zany bunch known world over as the Marx Brothers, are just a few of the characters the author highlights.

But wait! From the funny business of the silver screen, the book goes back in time again to the ancient world to pay a brief visit to the Court Jester, whose role we all know as The Joker in the deck of cards (invented in ninth-century China). Interesting to note that this motley character is not part of the royal family or a member of any suit, nor is he really part of the pack, but yet he’s potentially the most powerful card in the deck. Go figure.

Next stop… Live from Giggles and the wonderful world of standup comedy. The book hits high gear as the author explores some of the heavy hitters including Bob Hope (who first appeared on television before there was television, in a test broadcast in 1932), Milton Berle (reputed to have the largest penis in show business), Mort Sahl (the first standup to make the cover of Time), and Lenny Bruce (need any words be said?), whose incendiary routines paved the way for the likes of Richard Pryor, George Carlin and others.

Not to be left out are the female counterparts in this FUNNY: THE BOOK equation: Lucy Ball, Phyllis Diller, Joan Rivers, Roseanne Barr, and a bunch of others are covered and then uncovered.

Just when you think author Misch is well-entrenched in the modern world and there’s no turning back… Surprise! He once again climbs into his personal literary time machine for another visit to the ancient world. This time to visit the Greeks and the Romans, as well as the Middle Ages and that groovy period known as the Renaissance.

So why do we laugh? According to Misch, “We laugh because something’s familiar and (we laugh) at things we’ve never seen.”

Obviously, that’s the short answer. For the long answer, and to be privy to the scientific and philosophical aspects of comedy from a man who has written and/or produced works for NBC, CBS, ABC, Fox, UPN, HBO, Showtime, PBS, Disney, Universal, and Lifetime, I highly suggest you read the book. It is well worth the time investment (not to mention the health benefits from the dopamine high you will get) especially if “Funny” is something you can, and/or often relate to.

B’deeb, b’deeb b’deeb… that’s all, folks!

Funny – The Book is available at Book Soup, signed copies are currently in stock!

 

Funnyman David Misch

Funnyman David Misch gave a presentation at Book Soup in West Hollywood, discussing his new book, called “Funny – The Book”.  Armed with video clips of some of the funniest moments of television and movie history, he shows how humor operates, starting with the apes and monkeys (hey, they laugh, too), and dissecting the mechanisms of the human brain and psyche to find out why we laugh.  What do we think is funny?  And why do we laugh at things that on the surface, are not funny at all?  His presentation has photos, quotes, studies, and clips from Hollywood films, an entertaining peek into the world of humor and how the average human responds to it.  So sit back, get a glass of wine, light up a cigar, and watch the video.  Click here to view the presentation.

Click here on Book Soup to go to their website to buy the book, or get on over there in person to pick up a signed copy!

The Day I Met Stan Lee – Part 2

The Day I Met Stan Lee – Part 2

by Bill Nelson

Many fans dressed up in elaborate costumes. The zany outfits ranged from zombie looking dorks in white face-paint and ripped T-shirts to Batman wan-a-be’s in full-blown body armor. They all seemed to be having a ball hamming it up and mugging for photo-ops. Rather than a convention all about buying and selling comic books, these events have morphed into giant Halloween swap meet parties


Stan Lee arrived around noon and the line to get his signature was nearly two hundred people. At fifty five bucks to get his autograph, I don’t think he will die in dire poverty. After waiting almost an hour in line, it was finally my turn to meet the legendary super-hero writer. I got up to the booth and handed my ticket to his helper and then presented my prize piece.


Stan took my thirty year old photocopy and with his black sharpie proceeded to boldly sign his name…

…..covering up the late Jack Kirby’s autograph!

Well, I would like to think that he’s getting old and can’t see very well, but there’s also part of me that wonders if it was not Stan’s way of telling Jack that he’s still number #1.

-Bill Nelson

Alert!  Alert!  Stan Lee is coming to COMIKAZE at the Los Angeles Convention Center on September 15-16th.  Guests include Todd McFarlane, Elvira and many more.  If you have a signed piece you would like Stan to sign his name on top of, bring it along!,,.Holy smokin’ pen, Batman, I waz just kidding!