Pentagon UFO Denier Stung by Giant Mosquito

Shocked Military Chiefs Scramble To Explain Attack

Photo taken by shocked tourist at Pentagon.

A Pentagon spokesman who was the head of the UFO Disinformation Dept., was brutally attacked as he left the Pentagon yesterday.  Witnesses said a gigantic mosquito came out of nowhere and speared the man in the back.  The unidentified man was rushed to Walter Reed Hospital where military doctors worked feverously for 7 hours to stabilize him.  The Chief Medical doctor said the man “has a 50% chance of survival.”

At first, the press thought that the man who was attacked was Pentagon Press Secretary John Kirby, but he was located at a tony bar in D.C., having an after-work cocktail with the top brass.  “We’ll find that mosquito and bring him to justice”, said Kirby.

Eyewitnesses to the attack said the mosquito flew off rapidly and was out of sight in seconds.  One witness described seeing a UFO in the area, but the Pentagon quickly put that rumor to rest by showing a photo of the planet Venus to reporters.  Some reporters wondered if the mosquito had anything to do with the breeding program conducted in near-by Florida by Bill Gates.  The Pentagon declined to speculate on where it came from, although one source said the Gates mosquitos were very small, and there was nothing to see there.  That’s how small they were, almost invisible.  The chance of a mutant giant is considered also small.

Noah’s Ark Found on Mars

NASA Claims Debris Is From Ancient UFO Crash

California Scientist Says the Famous Flood Story Actually Happened on Mars!

Remains of Noah’s Ark Photographed on Mars by NASA

Noah’s Ark has been found on Mars.  Photos released by NASA rover show the ship is buried in sand inside a crater.  NASA scientists are speculating that the object is actually the remains of an ancient UFO crash.  These scientists have stated that they have seen similar evidence on Earth, which is itself a revelation, as NASA has for decades denied the existence of Extra Terrestrial Life.

Meanwhile, a California Scientist and UFO Researcher P. Edward Hunt has determined that the object is actually the long-lost Noah’s Ark.  Dr. Hunt explained to a press conference that the Flood actually occurred on Mars many thousands of years ago.  A rogue planet entering our solar system brushed Mars and stripped off most of the water on the planet.  The ancient Martian civilization had pinned its hopes on a Martian King named No-ah Man.  He saved samples of all life forms on the planet, but when the water from the flood was sucked into space, the ark was buried in the sands of Mars.


Dr. P. Edward Hunt photographed at a Los Angeles UFO meeting in 2014

Dr. Hunt, a member of the Ancient Order of Dissident Scientists, explained that when Elon Musk gets to Mars, he should immediately go to the site of Noah’s Ark, where Hunt claims that much of the DNA of ancient Martian life forms and animals may still exist inside the Ark.  “Think of it this way,” said Dr. Hunt, “The mud from the debris and evaporated water formed a cocoon around the ship, sealing everything inside and protecting it from the elements for the last 25,000 years”.  Hunt believes that the remains of No-Ah will also be found.  “The Martians were in some ways our ancient ancestors, although much shorter and lighter due to gravitational differences.” explained Hunt.

This astounding archeological find on another planet will change our history, many scientists believe.  NASA spokesmen scoffed at the idea of Noah’s Ark.  They said that remarks from “Renegade, Rogue UFO scientists like Hunt are ridiculous”.   Elon Musk refused comment on this controversy, saying only “X” will tell.

China Disguises Spy Fleet as Goodyear Blimps

Chinese Spy Blimps Capture Musk’s Mars Rocket!

Escape Over Long Beach Towing American Craft

Nest Stop – China!

A fleet of Communist Chinese spy ships disguised as Goodyear Blimps have successfully completed their mission of hijacking Elon Musk’s Prototype Mars Rocket and are now towing it to an underground base near Beijing, China.  It is well known by U.S. Intelligence that the Commies are jealous of America’s No 1 Genius and are bound and determined to beat America to Mars.

“The Red Planet will soon belong to Red China”.  said Shag Soon Joy, the Press Officer of the Chinese Rocket Bureau.  “China needs more space for farmland and to build fabulous casinos.  With Musk’s rocket ship, we will fulfill our dreams,” he said.

Meanwhile, Musk, contacted at his office at Twitter headquarters, reportedly flew into a rage when he heard about the stealth attack.  “That’s the last straw,” he screamed.  “I’m moving my entire Tesla manufacturing to Taiwan, NOW.” 

“Those morons will pay for this outrage” he said

It is always unwise to cross Musk, as he holds all the secrets of Nikola Tesla, including the fantastic weapons of hybrid warfare.  It is rumored that Musk has given China 24 hours to return his rocket ship or he will destroy half of China with massive earthquakes.  The great scientist  Tesla invented a small machine that puts out a powerful audio vibration that will act like a tuning forkcausing a massive earthquake that could potentially destroy China’s entire manufacturing province.  “Their electric vehicle battery market will downturn if they don’t return Musk’s rocket ship,” said an anonymous source at Twitter.  “My advice to the Chinese” said a Tesla press officer, “is to comply with Mr. Musk’s order.  And next time you want to steal a rocket ship go steal one from Bezos – he’s a wuss  Maybe he’ll throw in a subscription to the Washington Post.”


Hickory Dickory Dock – Lesson and Sing-Along

Former Trump Strategist Connects the Dots

Former Trump strategist Steve Bannon has connected the dots to expose the Covid 19 virus conspiracy.  Bannon and crew have proof that U.S. medical personnel were “partnered” with the Wuhan Lab in China as far back as 2015 and engaged in “Gain of  Function” (making a regular virus stronger) experiments. researcher Natalie Winters discovered a long ago podcast (2015) where several medical researchers were involved in studying the bat virus from China.  They explain how they made the virus able to jump to human-to human contact through their lab techniques, in order to find a “cure” for the virus that they created.  This dangerous business was at least temporarily halted by the U.S. State Department, under the Obama Administration.  But nevertheless, the bat was out of the cave, and some theorists place the partnered Wuhan Lab in China as the place where the created virus escaped.

You can listen to the complete podcast at this link, click here

The result, like in the movie “Frankenstein”, was death and destruction.  The companies hawking the so-called “vaccines”, however, have made billions and have immunity from legal prosecution.

We think the appropriate response to all this Medical Science Fiction Horror, would be to have a Sing-Along.  So get your friends around the world and join in the fun.  Warning: Do Not Wear Your Mask While Singing.

Hickory, Dickory Dock Sing Along.


Hickory, Dickory, Dock

Fauci set the clock

The clock struck one

He wanted some fun

Hickory, Dickory, Dock


Hickory, Dickory, Dock

The mouse went up the clock.

The clock struck two

It fell in the stew

Hickory, Dickory, Dock


Hickory, Dickory, Dock

The bat flew into the clock

The clock struck three

Got SARS for free

Hickory, Dickory, Dock


Hickory, Dickory, Dock

The mouse went back to the clock

The clock struck four

It got the spore

Hickory, Dickory, Dock


Hickory, Dickory, Dock

The spike came out of the clock

The clock struck five

The virus was live

Hickory, Dickory, Dock


Hickory, Dickory, Dock

Woo Han sneaked into the clock

The clock struck six

A bag of tricks

Hickory, Dickory, Dock


Hickory, Dickory, Dock

Evil burst out of the clock

The clock struck seven

You go to Heaven

Hickory, Dickory, Dock


Hickory, Dickory, Dock

Covid has ruined the clock

The clock struck eight

Must I-SO-Late

Hickory, Dickory, Dock


Hickory, Dickory, Dock

A vax dripped out of the clock

The clock struck nine

A dollar sign

Hickory, Dickory, Dock


Hickory, Dickory, Dock

The media found the clock

The clock struck ten

Used a poison pen

Hickory, Dickory, Dock


Hickory, Dickory, Dock

Eleven is now on the clock

There’s Culture Shock

In our cell block

Hickory, Dickory, Dock


Hickory, Dickory, Dock

Time’s run out on the clock

The plague is now here

For all to fear

Hickory, Dickory, Dock



Illuminati and Masonic Orders Outraged by Ban on Secret Handshakes

California Bans “Handshake” and Personal Contact Triggering Revolt of Secret Societies Who Communicate With Secret Handshakes.

California’s would-be tin-horn dictator has managed to outrage all of the 700 Secret Societies operating in the State.  Most of these secret orders go back hundreds, if not thousands of years.  The “secret handshake” is the way the groups tell each other who they are, and communicate hidden messages that outsiders cannot observe.

Mr. John Wong, (not his real name) the current leader of the Chinese Illuminist and Free and Mostly Accepted Asian Masonic groups, was recently contacted at his import/export business in China.  “Anyone who interferes with our traditions and secret operations is considered an enemy” he said.  “Gov. Newsom thinks he can control humanity and disrupt our power by the phony “Social Distance” edicts he spews out.  We have contacted our fellow secret orders in California and around the world and we will soon respond to this attack on our traditions,” he said.  Many other occult groups have been ignoring Newsom’s edicts and are meeting behind closed doors to formulate their strategy.

One long time occultist, a member of the Sons of the Real Bavarian Illuminati located in Napa, California said that secret societies operate in the shadows, but exert much control of the visible world, like the courts, business, libraries, etc.  By shuttering all State and Local government meetings, libraries, open courts and most businesses, Newsom has been choking the life out of the entire society.  The occult groups find most of their activities blocked, and are now going to extreme underground techniques to survive.  The occult groups have set up their own secret “Zoom” type meetings and are making plans to wrest back control of their life and activities from the power mad Newsom.


Haunted Big Foot Toy Terrorizes Seattle Family

Old BigFoot Toy Is Not Only Psychic But Walks Around The House At Night While Family Is Asleep!

When Mr. & Mrs. Beauregard Stickpan of Seattle went shopping at a local thrift store for a few toys for their 9 year old son to play with while at home due to the “Rona” pandemic, they had no clue as to the nightmare that awaited them.

“Our son, Butch, spotted this old toy, a plastic figure of a Bigfoot,” said Mrs. Stickpan.  “He watches all these shows on TV and his computer and is fascinated by the Bigfoot legend.  He really flipped out over this toy, so we bought it for him.”

The Stickpans took the toy home and let Butch place it in a prominent position on his small bookcase.  That very night is when the horror began.  “In the middle of the night, Butch started screaming out,” said Mrs. Stickpan.  “We rushed into his room and found our terrified child hiding under his bed.  He told us that the Bigfoot Statue was making loud grunting sounds at him.  My husband inspected the toy,, which is just plastic, and told Butch that the toy has no way to talk, it is just a plain old plastic toy. Mrs. Stickpan told her son that maybe what he had heard was just his father snoring in the next room.

“But that didn’t satisfy Butch,” she said.  “He absolutely refused to get back into bed with the toy in his room, so my husband Bo took it into the living room and put it on the mantle.  Little Butch went to sleep and everything was fine for the rest of the night.”

The very next morning, Mrs. Stickpan was in her small kitchen making breakfast, when she noticed something on the floor.  Leaning down, she saw tiny footprints all over her kitchen floor.  “I followed the footprints and they went back into the living room and stopped at the mantle where the Bigfoot toy was,” she said.  “Evidently, the Bigfoot was prowling around the house that night, and went into the kitchen, where he stepped into the cat’s food dish and got some of the mushy cat food on his feet, which he then tracked around the house and back to his place on the mantle.”

Photograph of actual Bigfoot prints found on kitchen floor.

The thought of this plastic toy coming alive at night and wandering about the house was terrifying.  She was afraid to go near it, and asked her husband to throw it out.  Bo agreed to get rid of the toy before the next trash pick-up, even though his son Butch liked to sit in the living room and stare at the toy for hours.

A few nights later, another amazing incident occurred, this time to husband Beauregard “Bo” Stickpan.  While deep asleep, Mr. Stickpan started to have a lucid dream.  The Bigfoot appeared to him in his dream, demanding that he get up and go into the living room, as the Bigfoot had something to say to him.  Mr. Stickpan got out of bed, and walked into the living room, standing before the mantle where the Bigfoot had been placed. Meanwhile,  Mrs. Stickpan suddenly woke up and noticed that her husband was gone.  She pulled herself out of bed and after determining that Bo was not in the bathroom discharging some of the six pack of beer he had guzzled earlier in the evening, she eventually found him standing in the living room in front of the Bigfoot toy, in a hypnotic state.

At that moment, Mrs. Stickpan, heard a loud noise outside.  She glanced out the window and saw a man trying to steal the tire off their 1990 Ford pick-up truck. She shook Bo and screamed at him to wake up.  “Someone is stealing our tire,” she shouted.  Bo woke up from his hypnotic state and ran outside, chasing away the tire thief.

The Bigfoot toy had evidently noticed the thief through the window, and had been trying to communicate with Bo via Psychic mental telepathy.  “The Bigfoot woke me up and was trying to tell me to look out the window,” said a flustered Bo Stickpan. I couldn’t quite make out what his grunts were all about, but luckily my wife came out and saw the thief through the window.  “That Bigfoot feller saved me from havin’ to buy a new tire and rim,” he said.  “I was goin’ to pitch that toy out into the trash, ’cause it scared the livin’  b’Jesus out of my boy, little Butch.  Now, Bigfoot’s part of our family.”

Latest member of the Stickpan family.

The Stickpans  have agreed to keep the toy and try to learn his language.  “We’ve grown accustomed to Bigfoot,” said Mrs. Stickpan.  “Although we haven’t seen our cat in two weeks.  I guess kitty didn’t like Bigfoot walking through her food bowl.”

Seattle is once again such a happy place.

Trump Orders Troops To Guard Rocky and Bullwinkle Statue In West Hollywood.

24 Hour Protection From Harm By Anarchist Mobs

POTUS’ Favorite Cartoon Company.

by Charlie Bazooka

President Donald Trump yesterday ordered troops into Hollywood, California to protect the beloved Rocky and Bullwinkle Statue on the Sunset Strip. The statue has been targeted by a coalition of radical groups for destruction. “Rocky and Bullwinkle were my favorite cartoon characters when I was young,” said the President, “and I’m not going to stand by and see their precious memory destroyed by a bunch of crazies.”

Just which group is behind the terror campaign against the statue is unclear. It could be an alliance of several splinter groups. First there’s the Russians. Trump said he used to laugh out loud at the bumbling Russian spies in the cartoon. “All of us kids used to howl at the goofy Russians, Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale,” he said. “These cartoons prove that there was no collusion between my administration and the Russians. They are so incompetent that there is no way they influenced an American election.”

President Putin of the Russian Federation was contacted for comment. His office released a communique saying that the show “The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle” was a slander against the former Soviet Union. “The portrait of Soviet spies as bumbling idiots is just American propaganda. After all, our brave spies stole your Atomic secrets, the biggest spy coup in history,” said the officials. These statements lead some senior Trump Administration national security officials to suspect that Russia is secretly funding and encouraging the “take down” of the controversial statue of Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Another group suspected of involvement is a shadowy network of ex-Scientologists, who call themselves the Legion of Ron. “We are against all squirrels, be they human or animal,” one note said that was pinned to the base of the statue. A spokesman claiming to be a “real” Scientologist said that the Legion of Ron could be a “Legion of Squirrels” themselves. L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of the religious group said that those who try to use his teachings but are not in the Church of Scientology are “squirrels.”

A third group, known as Antifa Artists Against Statues of All Kinds, is composed of disenfranchised sculptors who say that their work is ignored and only a very few “elite” sculptors get fat commissions for their work. “We are going to tear down every statue in the world and then start over. We are going to send all the fat-cat, skinny moose, and tiny squirrel sculptors to their doom and then the public will be forced to deal with our group,” they said. The police have placed a high-priority watch on this group. They are seen in videos going around the country and pulling down any statue that they can find. “It is mindless destruction,” said William Roughbarn of the Police “Radical” Squad, known as The Ragged Edge Cops. “We have warrants for their top leadership. We think they are hiding out in Pottery camps.”

In addition, the Trump Administration is looking into the finances of the Disney Company. “Disney owns some of the fake news outlets who are always attacking me.” said President Trump. “That’s why their news is so Mickey Mouse.”

A Trump Administration official, speaking on the condition of anonymity, claimed that they have documents and gossip showing that the Disney company is secretly funding some of the groups. Disney has long been fighting Rocket J. Squirrel as their main enemy in the world of cartoons. Disney insiders consider Rocky and Bullwinkle to be anti-Mouse, and they will do anything to get them out of the way. The Squirrel and Moose people are suspected in many instances of slander against Mickey Mouse, the Disney mascot. The previous campaign by various cartoonists who are allied with Rocky have infiltrated Disney and done things to diss the mouse.  Their most successful smear campaign a decade ago was “Moose Over Mouse, Your Duck Is Being Squirreled.”

The troops, who have arrived to protect the statue, have parked their vehicles and tanks in private area garages, so as to keep a low profile.  They have set up sniper positions on the rooftops surrounding the statue, which looks out over the Sunset Strip.

“The weird thing about this statue,” said a local resident, on condition of anonymity, “is that sometimes on a hot summer night, Rocky the flying squirrel can be seen soaring up and down over the Sunset Strip.  I swear it’s Rocky, saying hello to all down below, laughing and having a ball.”  The Mayor of Hollywood, Gertrude Pennypoop, upon hearing that, ordered the City to run a test on the City’s water supply, to make sure there are no psychedelics present.

Statue of Bob’s Big Boy Toppled in Topeka

Skinny Vegetarians Riot Against Fat White Boys

by Charlie Bazooka

A raging mob of skinny vegetarian protesters toppled a statue of the famous “Bob’s Big Boy” in Topeka, Kansas, last night. They did this by tying ropes on the statue that stood in front of the local Bob’s Restaurant, one of many in the world famous chain. Bob’s was started in Glendale, California by a local high school student in 1935. His burgers were so good that his little burger stand grew into a huge chain. The logo, a plump, happy white fellow, became a beloved figure to millions of people of all colors who flocked to the restaurant for one of his delicious hamburgers.

“We are just devastated by the riots last night,” said Freddy Spamsucker, the manager. “These mobs were vicious. They broke our windows and then tied ropes to the statue of our Big Boy out in front and pulled it off the pedestal and dragged it away.” The statue was last seen being dragged toward New York, where it will probably end up in a tony art gallery with a big price on it.

The night of violence did not end there, however. Angry diners, allegedly Bob’s customers, poured out of the restaurant with guns blazing and shot 33 protesters dead. Bedlam ensued, and the police were called. However, before the police arrived on the bloody scene, a pack of ravenous, rabid Kansas prairie coyotes came out of nowhere and dragged off the bodies of the fallen protesters. Goofus McKinnley, Lt. In charge, said that the police have not been able to retrieve the bodies. “We don’t even know the names of the deceased rioters,” said officer McKinnley, “but you betcha we’ll find out.”

The police are organizing a search and rescue party to look for the missing protesters. Under an old Kansas law that dates back to the Civil War, the families of “rebels” can be held financially responsible for the deeds of their dearly departed. Vegetarians were declared “rebels” last year by the Governor, as they don’t eat pork products, and are therefore considered a threat to society. The skinny vegans, afraid of the consequences of the “Rebel Law”, have gone underground. They have even taken to stuffing crumpled-up newspapers under their clothes to appear to be on the plump side, like most of the other farm community residents. “They have managed to blend in with the population, “ said Police Sgt. Jethro Roughbarn. “but they don’t fool me, I can spot one of those phony ham eaters a mile away.” According to Sgt. Roughbarn, the vegetarians have taken to stealing newspapers out of news racks in order to make their women look plump. “There’s a reward from the Topeka Farm & Orchard Gazette for information on the criminals who are stealing their news sheets,” he said.

Meanwhile, restaurant manager Spamsucker also offered a reward of $300 for the return of the Big Boy statue. Rumors from the vegetarian community was that the offer was immediately rejected. “We have other plans for Mister Big Boy, said “Mellissa” a spokesperson for the vegetarian underground. “We’re tired of the fat White Boys who run this country,” she said. She warned that the “String-bean Woman’s Collective” has joined forces with the “Emaciated Shadow Men’s Punk Band” to take over the entire U.S. Government. They are braced for a long protracted fight.

“There’s never a dull moment here in Topeka,” said one bystander, who wishes to remain anonymous.

Medical Mask Mind Control Plot Exposed!

Scientists Discover Medical Masks Treated With A Mind-Control Substance That Works As A Subliminal Chemical!

by Charlie Bazooka

Los Angeles area mind-control victim.

A team of Serbian doctors and scientists from the Institute of Advanced Subliminal Studies in Belgrade, Serbia, have made a startling discovery.  Medical masks imported from China have been sprayed with a mind-control substance that delivers a punch that is more insidious than anything ever seen before.

“This is unbelievable,” said Dr. Vladimir Spookovsky, lead scientist at the Institute.  “The masks, possibly millions of them, have been sprayed with a chemical that is meant to affect the person who puts it on.”  People put on the mask in order to be safe from the Covid 19 virus, and instead, according to the scientist, are being influenced subliminally by a chemical that will make them do something that they would not otherwise do.”

The scientific team has been working for months to identify the chemical that is used on the masks, and have finally isolated it.  “This is a similar task to that of tracking down the Corona virus.” Said Dr. Spookovsky. ” We found this insidious chemical to be the same as that found in New Car spray cans.”  A very small amount was sprayed onto each mask.  “The idea,”  said the scientist, “is to make anyone who puts on the mask and takes a couple of breaths to subconsciously want to go out and buy a new car.”

Boosting car sales through subliminal scent sprayed on medical masks.  This is not the brand sprayed on the masks, but a similar one.

The head of the Automotive Advertiser’s Co-op Bureau, one of the largest in the industry, was shocked to hear about the findings.  “Let’s face it” said Mrs. Henry Ford XVIIth, “Everyone knows that the new car business is in a slump because of the Covid 19 virus.  Although subliminal scent merchandising is not illegal, I don’t know who would do such a thing.  It is obviously meant to influence folks to run out and buy a new car.  Everyone loves the smell of a brand new car, and by spraying the masks, it is intended to boost sales.”

Unsold cars collecting dust in the San Fernando Valley.

Contrary to popular belief, it is not illegal to use subliminal advertising in America, although it is considered unethical.  However, using advanced chemical scent to boost sales has never been done before, as far as is known. Dr. Spookovsky said that it is impossible to determine exactly when or where the chemical was sprayed on the masks.  “We suspect that someone in a mask factory in China, wearing a mask to hide his or hers identity from tightly controlled manufacturing plants, inserted the spray at some point in the manufacturing process.  “It had to be carefully done,” said the scientist, “because if they had used too much of the spray it would make a person sick and fling off the mask.  It was a brilliant operation.”

We are checking with various automotive companies to carefully compare the sales charts and see if a certain brand, like Toyota, suddenly has a huge sales spike.  This insidious plot may be just the first instance of many that may surface in the future.  Certain scents surreptitiously sprayed may make folks go out and do other things.  A scent of new carpet could spur house sales.  Flower scents could cause folks to go splurge on buying flowers at the markets.The scent of popcorn could make people want to go to a movie theater.  A sex scent could really cause havoc, especially if it got into religious institutions.    The list is endless.  We are trying to contact medical mask factories in China, but have not heard back from them.

But the worst news is still to come.  We have learned that certain scientists are conducting experiments to learn the effect of scents on animals.  Their basic instincts could be highlighted and this could lead to real mahem.  It would be like catnip but much, much worse.  And we certainly don’t want to see animal to human transmission.