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Illuminati and Masonic Orders Outraged by Ban on Secret Handshakes
California Bans “Handshake” and Personal Contact Triggering Revolt of Secret Societies Who Communicate With Secret Handshakes.
California’s would-be tin-horn dictator has managed to outrage all of the 700 Secret Societies operating in the State. Most of these secret orders go back hundreds, if not thousands of years. The “secret handshake” is the way the groups tell each other who they are, and communicate hidden messages that outsiders cannot observe.
Mr. John Wong, (not his real name) the current leader of the Chinese Illuminist and Free and Mostly Accepted Asian Masonic groups, was recently contacted at his import/export business in China. “Anyone who interferes with our traditions and secret operations is considered an enemy” he said. “Gov. Newsom thinks he can control humanity and disrupt our power by the phony “Social Distance” edicts he spews out. We have contacted our fellow secret orders in California and around the world and we will soon respond to this attack on our traditions,” he said. Many other occult groups have been ignoring Newsom’s edicts and are meeting behind closed doors to formulate their strategy.
One long time occultist, a member of the Sons of the Real Bavarian Illuminati located in Napa, California said that secret societies operate in the shadows, but exert much control of the visible world, like the courts, business, libraries, etc. By shuttering all State and Local government meetings, libraries, open courts and most businesses, Newsom has been choking the life out of the entire society. The occult groups find most of their activities blocked, and are now going to extreme underground techniques to survive. The occult groups have set up their own secret “Zoom” type meetings and are making plans to wrest back control of their life and activities from the power mad Newsom.
Clown of the Year Award 2020
Dr. Claire Poche of the Oregon Health Authority Wins the Coveted Award for the Most Tasteless Video While Reading Covid 19 Deaths
Several officials of the Oregon Health Authority dressed in clown outfits to read the sick and death toll of the week and warn their constituency to beware of Halloween activities.
Dr. Vladimir Spookovsky, lead scientist at the Serbian Institute of Advanced Subliminal Studies in Belgrade, said that he believes the entire video is nothing more than a mind-control experiment to put fear of the virus into the minds of the public. “Dressing up to resemble “The Joker”, the evil clown in Batman, will scare the living daylights out of everyone. Reading the death rolls and sick statistics is extremely frightening. This is very advanced subliminal mind control activity, brilliant really. Then another health person in a weird outfit starts telling kids to avoid regular Halloween activities. This will cause extreme ongoing trauma in young children. Even my Russian colleagues at the Moscow Advanced Brain and Brainless Population Research Society were astounded!”
Here is the video – NOT TO BE SHOWN TO CHILDREN UNDER 18 YEARS OLD.
The award was given by Charlie Bazooka, of the American Cartoonist and Visual Arsonist Society annual meeting in Lagos, Nigeria. “It is very well deserved and I congratulate the Oregon Health Authority for their creative and totally tasteless video, which is sure to become a classic and set a high standard that will stand for decades.”
How To Protect Yourself From the Virus: Go Jump In A Pool!
Swimming Pools Saving Thousands of Lives
Rich Folks Don’t Get Sick Because They Have Swimming Pools!
by Charlie Bazooka
President Donald Trump let the cat out of the bag at a recent news conference. His cryptic remark, which immediately resonated with his wealthy supporters, was that you had to disinfect yourself. All the big media puff daddys poo-pood this remark. The media pundits made fun of the President, bellowing that you could die if you drink disinfectant. But Trump did not say that. His remark was directed to those in the know, that you had to disinfect yourself, and the easiest way to do that was to go jump in your swimming pool!
All wealthy folks have pools. The secret reason is that the water in a swimming pool contains chlorine and special chemicals that will kill all bacteria and viruses. There is not a virus in the solar system that could live in a well-kept pool. A short 15-30 minute soaking in a California swimming pool every day will cleanse the nasty virus out of your body. As you soak in the sun, the special chemicals that are in pool water will absorb into your body. You will feel invigorated and be totally protected. There is no need for wealthy folks in Beverly Hills to stress out and hide in their mansions until Gov. Grusome comes out with some phony vaccine that one of his rich pharma buddies has cooked up.
In fact, it is recommended that the rich folks in Beverly Hills immediately begin to throw some gala pool parties! Pizza, Corona Beer, finger food, and plenty of time to splash around in the lovely pool water will do wonders for your friends and give them plenty of vitamin D from the sun and a good chemical soaking from the pool.
We Salute The Pool Men of America!
The real heroes of this so-called pandemic are the great pool men who service the millions of swimming pools in America. These guys know the exact amount of special chemicals that will keep your pool water fresh and healthy. They risk their lives every day, fighting stifling traffic, attacks from vicious unleashed dogs, risking their health to keep the pools clean so that you can live a healthy, virus-free life.
In the wonderful California sun, a great tradition grew up. The pool men. Many are expert surfers. They lead a terrific life, wearing cargo shorts and Tommy Bahamas shirts, driving really cool cars like Ford Rancheros or Chevy El Caminos. They all have legendary hot girl friends, live near the ocean in Hermosa Beach, and spend free time at all weekend parties. But underneath the fun-loving lifestyle, these guys are expert chemists. Most have advanced degrees in Chemistry and can turn swampland into drinkable water, removing viruses, bugs, bacteria and Alligator poop. That is why they are in such demand.
The rich folks in Beverly Hills and the tony areas of Orange County know this, and they compete to hire the elite of the pool service men. It is rumored that many of the pool men have routes that produce over a million a year. That’s just a little bonus that goes with the glamorous life style. So we salute the real heroes of the war on the pandemic: our handsome, gallant pool dudes!
Recent statistics released by the medical establishment bear out our in-depth story about swimming pools. Look at the folks who are sick or dying. Most of them are confined to rest homes, old folks who don’t get any sunshine. And there’s no swimming pools in those decrepit senior nursing homes. Poor people are also at a disadvantage. They live in crummy apartments, most of them don’t have pools or if they do they tend to be run down, full of debris and not chemically balanced by an expert pool man. Many landlords try to save money by having their balding, fat slob rude managers dump some chlorine in the pool every month or so. Not only is in not healthy, it could be downright dangerous to jump in. It is important to have a real pool dude in a Tommy Bahamas shirt who knows the exact chemical balance. Otherwise, those run down apartments have pools that resemble swamp land. At night, possums and raccoons are swimming in them, and during the day, unwashed kids drag all their pets and broken toys into the frey. It’s no wonder that the poor cannot take advantage of a great pool. These are the poor folks who will be dying in great numbers.
So if you are one of the lucky ones, go soak in your swimming pool and beat this nasty old virus. And give your pool service man a good tip once in a while. Those “Hawaiian” shirts are expensive!
Donald Trump Was Actually Tipping Us Off!
by Uncle Paulie
Conspiracy Theory: I was talking to a homeless guy the other day, who claimed that Trump actually revealed the truth in a cryptic way. So think about it this way, you don’t have to drink “Clorox” or disinfectant, because you are ALREADY drinking it. All of our water supply has chlorine in it to kill bacteria and viruses. It is very powerful, you do not need much, but a lot of us stupid health nuts have been drinking “pure” bottled water, which filters the Chlorine out. If we just go back to drinking our tap water we will be mostly protected. At least, that’s the guy’s theory. He said Trump could not come out and say that because the deep, very deep,state will off him. I have no idea where that state actually is, by the way. Probably somewhere near Arkansas. Since drinking tap water for a while cannot hurt you, maybe it’s worth a try. I can’t afford bottled water anymore in this collapse. I’m loading up on all vitamins and they’re going down the hatch with plain old tap water. I’m wearin’ a mask and keeping my distance, too. Conspiracy madness. Watch “The Expanse” on amazon. Wow, a great series, prophetically exposing a “protomolecule” virus in a grand scale, which we now are living through. Jeff Bezos is a sly one. He knew this was coming and was putting it out to wake us up.
He sold 4 Billion of his amazon stock before the virus hit. Tell me he ain’t smart. I’ll betcha he invested big in toilet paper factories. By the way, Tyson Foods just claimed that the food distribution chain is breaking down. If it does, expect riots and mayhem. L.A. will look like parts of Syria. As far a Trump goes, he looks like he is putting Clorox on his face, which is mainly orange with white spots. Maybe he is morphing into an Alien Insectoid species. Let me know what you find out, I’m stayin’ in tonight, drinking some more two buck Chuck.
Cool Vinyl Albums
Here’s Some Old Comic Album Covers
Say What? No More Nudes in Playboy?
Ed Murray Channels Al Goldstein Looking For Answers
by Ed Murray
Dateline: Holmby Hills
Please don’t say you aren’t shocked. Playboy Magazine has announced a big make-over of the magazine, including the removal of pictures of nude ladies from the pages of the famous man’s mag. These changes are set to take place in the March, 2016 issue. Since Playboy began, it made its mark on society, and made founder Hugh Hefner a fortune. The big thing that attracted a following over the years has been the nude centerfold. If you think that millions of men bought the magazine just to read the articles, then you are seriously deluded. The probable reason that Hefner put some articles and written material in the magazine was that he had to. In the 1950’s publishing “porn” or magazines with only nudes was risky. Various state and local authorities were prosecuting publishers for publishing magazines that “had no socially redeeming value.” Hence the publishers covered themselves with news, fiction, fashion, or other articles. Things are a little different now, a lot of porn has moved to the internet or dvd rentals.
But I wanted to get to the bottom of the Playboy announcement. The magazine has seen its circulation fall the last few years. The magazine, always a little elitist, has failed to make big gains with a younger crowd, especially with working class and middle class men. Totally removing the nudes from the magazine seemes like they are going in the wrong direction. After all, if you want “good” articles, why not read Atlantic, or the New York Review of Books?
The one man who could give me answers to that is dead: porn publisher Al Goldstein. He was the King for a while, publishing the sleazy, irreverent Screw magazine and running various other enterprises. He was always in Court, fighting for freedom of speech and freedom of expression. So I thought I would contact him on the other side. Get some answers from the guy who knows what’s happening.
…Glass of wine…..
…glass of wine….
Murray: Hello, Al? Al Goldstein?
Goldstein: Yeah, I’m here. How are ya, you old putz?
Murray: OK, Al. I hate to bother you, ….you must be busy or something.
Goldstein. Yeah, but it’s not what you think, in fact not what anyone could ever think.
Murray: What do you mean? Like where are you now? If you can say?
Goldstein: Right now I’m down in the hot place, but actually the way things worked out I divide my time between the two places..
Murray: Huh? How’s that possible? I’ve never heard of that before.
Goldstein: Well, I got sent down here for a light sentence because of some bad things I did.
Murray: You mean some of the Porn stuff?
Goldstein: Naw, some other f*cking stuff. So I have to spend four hours every day going to a beginner’s Sunday School. And me a Jew. I’m f*cking outraged.
Murray: I imagine it could be worse, I mean sitting in a Sunday School class isn’t too bad, is it?
Goldstein: It is if your sentence is 30,000 years of the sh*t.
Murray: Well, what about the rest of the day?
Goldstein: The other half of my time I work up top with the good guys. It’s a big universe, and I’ve actually been appointed a kind of Porn Angel, so to speak.
Murray: Porn Angel?
Goldstein: Yeah, well there’s a lot of solar systems in the universe, a lot of planets and a lot of weird people. Some of the races on other planets have declining populations, and they needed someone to spur them on, give ’em LUST, get them f*cking again. I’m an expert on that, so they hired me.
Murray: Wow. Sounds like you are able to continue your career.
Goldstein: Yeah, but the downside is that I can’t participate, you know, I don’t have a physical body anymore. In fact, I’m not entirely sure who I’m working for at this job. I’d give my left nut to have a dick again…..
Murray: I see your point. Hey, the reason for the call is about the new announcement from Playboy magazine. Have you heard about it?
Goldstein: Yeah, I hear about everything. There’s always hordes of new jerks inbound here, we pick up rumors pretty fast.
Murray: So what is it, Al? Is the staff of Playboy all gay now?
Goldstein: Naw, and those schmucks don’t have a creative drop of jizz in their bodies. This decision is coming right from Hef.
Murray: What? Hef?
Goldstein: Well, sort of. Do you remember that radical feminist Andrea Dworkin from the 80s and 90s? She was a big fat woman
Murray: Yeah, the anti-porn crusader.
Goldstein: That’s the one. Well, Hef is weak. I mean the old f*ck is really weak. When you get down like that, you’re susceptible to a walk-in.
Murray: A walk-in?
Goldsteirn: Yeah, that Andrea woman is a spirit now, she saw that Hef was weak, his defenses down, so she moved right into his body.
Murray: Is that possible?
Goldstein: F*ckin right it’s possible. She’s now Hef, controlling him. She’s havin’ a f*ckin ball, makin’ him into a laughing stock, taking the nudes out of the mag. He’s so weak that his last few girlfriends said that all he does at night is cuddle with his dog and watch old fifties movies. He’s done. And Andrea is getting her putrid rocks off,- getting her feminist revenge on all the men. What a country….
Murray: Al, I have to think about this, maybe with a sixpack. This is depressing news.
Goldstein: Well, Ed, as I have said many times, F*CK YOU, F*CK HEF, F*CK ANDREA, in fact,
F*CK EVERYBODY! HOPE TO SEE ALL YOU JERKS REAL SOON!
Murray: Al, this time I really mean it: Sorry I asked….
Goldstein: Uh, yeah, gotto go, Sunday School class starting in a few minutes……
Now Open – Hollywood’s New Library
A Corporation Has Taken Over The Water Hole
A big Corporation has taken over the Water Hole and put a fence around it. All the animals are thirsty. Knucklehead goes to the Professor for help.
Bazooka Blasts for September 22, 2012