Swimming Pools Saving Thousands of Lives
Rich Folks Don’t Get Sick Because They Have Swimming Pools!
by Charlie Bazooka
President Donald Trump let the cat out of the bag at a recent news conference. His cryptic remark, which immediately resonated with his wealthy supporters, was that you had to disinfect yourself. All the big media puff daddys poo-pood this remark. The media pundits made fun of the President, bellowing that you could die if you drink disinfectant. But Trump did not say that. His remark was directed to those in the know, that you had to disinfect yourself, and the easiest way to do that was to go jump in your swimming pool!
All wealthy folks have pools. The secret reason is that the water in a swimming pool contains chlorine and special chemicals that will kill all bacteria and viruses. There is not a virus in the solar system that could live in a well-kept pool. A short 15-30 minute soaking in a California swimming pool every day will cleanse the nasty virus out of your body. As you soak in the sun, the special chemicals that are in pool water will absorb into your body. You will feel invigorated and be totally protected. There is no need for wealthy folks in Beverly Hills to stress out and hide in their mansions until Gov. Grusome comes out with some phony vaccine that one of his rich pharma buddies has cooked up.
In fact, it is recommended that the rich folks in Beverly Hills immediately begin to throw some gala pool parties! Pizza, Corona Beer, finger food, and plenty of time to splash around in the lovely pool water will do wonders for your friends and give them plenty of vitamin D from the sun and a good chemical soaking from the pool.
We Salute The Pool Men of America!
The real heroes of this so-called pandemic are the great pool men who service the millions of swimming pools in America. These guys know the exact amount of special chemicals that will keep your pool water fresh and healthy. They risk their lives every day, fighting stifling traffic, attacks from vicious unleashed dogs, risking their health to keep the pools clean so that you can live a healthy, virus-free life.
In the wonderful California sun, a great tradition grew up. The pool men. Many are expert surfers. They lead a terrific life, wearing cargo shorts and Tommy Bahamas shirts, driving really cool cars like Ford Rancheros or Chevy El Caminos. They all have legendary hot girl friends, live near the ocean in Hermosa Beach, and spend free time at all weekend parties. But underneath the fun-loving lifestyle, these guys are expert chemists. Most have advanced degrees in Chemistry and can turn swampland into drinkable water, removing viruses, bugs, bacteria and Alligator poop. That is why they are in such demand.
The rich folks in Beverly Hills and the tony areas of Orange County know this, and they compete to hire the elite of the pool service men. It is rumored that many of the pool men have routes that produce over a million a year. That’s just a little bonus that goes with the glamorous life style. So we salute the real heroes of the war on the pandemic: our handsome, gallant pool dudes!
Recent statistics released by the medical establishment bear out our in-depth story about swimming pools. Look at the folks who are sick or dying. Most of them are confined to rest homes, old folks who don’t get any sunshine. And there’s no swimming pools in those decrepit senior nursing homes. Poor people are also at a disadvantage. They live in crummy apartments, most of them don’t have pools or if they do they tend to be run down, full of debris and not chemically balanced by an expert pool man. Many landlords try to save money by having their balding, fat slob rude managers dump some chlorine in the pool every month or so. Not only is in not healthy, it could be downright dangerous to jump in. It is important to have a real pool dude in a Tommy Bahamas shirt who knows the exact chemical balance. Otherwise, those run down apartments have pools that resemble swamp land. At night, possums and raccoons are swimming in them, and during the day, unwashed kids drag all their pets and broken toys into the frey. It’s no wonder that the poor cannot take advantage of a great pool. These are the poor folks who will be dying in great numbers.
So if you are one of the lucky ones, go soak in your swimming pool and beat this nasty old virus. And give your pool service man a good tip once in a while. Those “Hawaiian” shirts are expensive!