Have a Chuckle and Forget That Heat Rash
Summer Jokes from R.J. Johnson
– People in New York are paying $180 for a bird poop facial. Or they can just stand under a statue in Central Park for free.
– MTV is producing a reality show about a group of virgins who may or may not have sex. Or as we used to call that, Prom Night.
– Paula Dean turned down “Dancing With the Stars.” But she has a new show, “How I Met Yo Mama.”
– In London they found a 15 ton blob of congealed fat in a sewer pipe. Or as English cooks call that, the all-you-can-eat buffet.
– The guy and girl from the popular country group The Civil Wars broke up and they are so angry The Civil Wars aren’t even talking to each other. The really bad news? They’re starting a new group. The Vietnam.
– A man in South Africa saved his dog first before swimming back to save his wife after their yacht sank in the ocean. Actually, they have a name for married men who do that: Celibate.
– Mexico has gone ahead of the U.S. when it comes to having the most obese people in the world. And they’ve already declared a day of celebration: Sinko de Fatso
– Netflix has a new TV series called “Orange is the New Black.” Sounds more like a John Boehner rap album, doesn’t it?
– According to Variety, Apple is coming out with a device that will skip over TV commercials. Don’t we already have that? It’s called a bathroom, right?
– Liz Cheney is running for the Senate in Wyoming against another Republican named Sen. Michael Enzi. They’ve agreed to three debates, two press conferences and one hunting trip.
– A man in Tennessee is suing Apple Computers. He said the company causes a porn addiction, sexual arousal and drives men to prostitution. The good news for the guy? He’s now legally eligible to run for any office he wants in New York City.