Lookout Caesar! It’s March 15th!

Caesar ides of marchThe Whole Roman Empire is Laughing at R.J. Johnson’s Ides of March Jokes!

– Pres. Obama said when it comes to drones, he’s no Dick Cheney. Sure, when Dick Cheney wants to shoot an American, he just takes him hunting.

This month we have St. Patrick’s Day, Spring Break and March Madness all at the same time. We’re going to need a White House bailout just to clean up the vomit.

– H&R Block messed up 600,000 tax returns. And right away Wesley Snipes is yelling, “And they put me in jail?”

The Chicago medical examiner’s office is posting photos of unclaimed dead bodies on their website so people can help identify them. It’s like eHarmony just cheaper to date.

And finally

– 6,000 dead bloated pigs have been found in a river in China. Or as they call that in North Korea:  soup.

 

 

Bazooka Howls for September 30

by

R. J. Johnson

 

– The White House has a new slogan about the attacks in the Middle East: Hope and Change Your Story.

– The economy is so bad, people are joining Romney’s 47% just for the ritzy life style.

– Monica Lewinsky is getting 12 million dollars for a book on Bill Clinton. The last time there was this much talk about Monica and Bill, Hillary Clinton got a Senate seat.

– According to a study at the University of Amsterdam, having sex makes your brain grow and you get smarter. Paris Hilton gave the rebuttal.

– A chef in L.A. who killed his wife and slow-cooked her body in a barrel of hot water has been convicted of murder. The reaction from his lawyer? “That’s a crock!

And finally…

So long from Hollywood, where contempt breeds familiarity.