World Famous Swami Says Joe Biden Will Never Finish Term

Swami Anaconda Bananarama Makes Startling Predictions For 2021

 

Swami Anaconda Bananarama Predicts
The World Famous Swami, author of several metaphysical and philosophical books, has issued his predictions for the year 2021. Some of the revelations will be shocking to the general public, but the Swami holds nothing back. As he has said many times in his lectures and teachings, “Why?”. He has also stated “Why Not?”

 

The Swami Bananarama (pronounced “Ba-na-na-Ra-ma”) received his training in secretive Hindoo Temples located in the misty mountains of the Hindoo Kush. It was there, in 1932, that he studied intensely under the master of the unknown, the Great Swami Kudabux, world renowned for walking on hot coals and fire pits. Kudabux, a master magician, as well as a student of the occult, imparted much wisdom to Swami Bananarama. “Not only was he my best student, but he was my only student. He survived the 3 year trip up the mountains of the Himalayas to my secret Temple. On this trip 72 Sherpas died of various falls and frostbites. Bananas – his nickname at the Monastery – was a survivor and a man filled with courage. He made it by guzzling enormous quantities of Sherpa tea made from distilled Scotch Whiskey and the ground balls of Himalayan baby Rams. It fortified him, and why not?” he said.

Here are the startling predictions from Swami Bananarama for the next year:

1.   Presidential nominee Joe Biden will never finish his term of office. He will move to Muncie, Indiana and pursue a career he has dreamed about his entire life: driving an Ice Cream Truck.

2.  The U.S. Dollar will suffer a complete collapse in 2021, as the government has printed so much money that it is basically worthless. Bitcoin will become the new official currency of the United States. And why not?

3.  The so-called virus Covid 19 will eventually kill everyone over the age of 10 in the United States. Washington DC will be empty, but on the bright side, playgrounds will be packed.

4.  Mark Zuckerberg will be exposed as an Alien-Human Hybrid, placed in one of Elon Musk’s new rockets and shot back into outer space. He will, however, be allowed to keep his twitter account to pass the time and argue with Donald Trump.

5.  “Mr. Novak” an old television show about a high school teacher in Los Angeles, will become the most popular show in television history. Since the Rona virus closed down schools forever, the TV show gives kids a nostalgic look at how things used to be. And as we know, the most important thing is to be, and to have been.

6.  The new Harris Administration will pass a law that all citizens must have an M-98 mask surgically and permanently sewn on their face. No mouths, from whence the dreaded Rhona spews out, will ever be seen again. A lawsuit will be filed by the Dental Association, asking for 200 billion bitcoins in damages.

7.  Comedy clubs will file for bankruptcy. Humor cannot be expressed without wild laughing and hooting, so a masked audience of muffled grunts will lead to a shut down of comedy as a useless annoyance. “Why bother to Laugh?” will say President Harris. Swami Bananarama agrees, and adds also “Why bother to Fart?”

8.  California’s new Bullet Train to Nowhere will become a tremendous hit. It will run from Los Angeles to Napa, stopping at Gov. Gavin Newsom’s Plumpjack Winery, where free wine and French Bread will be served. Social distancing will be temporarily suspended for this event.

9.  Current VP Mike Pence will return to Indiana and become a Truant Officer. He will arrest Ice Cream peddler Joe Biden for “abnormal and frequent” sniffing of the hair of young girls.

10.  At the end of 2021, the last of 30,425 vote recounts in Michigan will re-instate Donald Trump as President, allowing him to return to the White House from the Senior Care Asylum where he has been held.

Haunted Big Foot Toy Terrorizes Seattle Family

Old BigFoot Toy Is Not Only Psychic But Walks Around The House At Night While Family Is Asleep!

When Mr. & Mrs. Beauregard Stickpan of Seattle went shopping at a local thrift store for a few toys for their 9 year old son to play with while at home due to the “Rona” pandemic, they had no clue as to the nightmare that awaited them.

“Our son, Butch, spotted this old toy, a plastic figure of a Bigfoot,” said Mrs. Stickpan.  “He watches all these shows on TV and his computer and is fascinated by the Bigfoot legend.  He really flipped out over this toy, so we bought it for him.”

The Stickpans took the toy home and let Butch place it in a prominent position on his small bookcase.  That very night is when the horror began.  “In the middle of the night, Butch started screaming out,” said Mrs. Stickpan.  “We rushed into his room and found our terrified child hiding under his bed.  He told us that the Bigfoot Statue was making loud grunting sounds at him.  My husband inspected the toy,, which is just plastic, and told Butch that the toy has no way to talk, it is just a plain old plastic toy. Mrs. Stickpan told her son that maybe what he had heard was just his father snoring in the next room.

“But that didn’t satisfy Butch,” she said.  “He absolutely refused to get back into bed with the toy in his room, so my husband Bo took it into the living room and put it on the mantle.  Little Butch went to sleep and everything was fine for the rest of the night.”

The very next morning, Mrs. Stickpan was in her small kitchen making breakfast, when she noticed something on the floor.  Leaning down, she saw tiny footprints all over her kitchen floor.  “I followed the footprints and they went back into the living room and stopped at the mantle where the Bigfoot toy was,” she said.  “Evidently, the Bigfoot was prowling around the house that night, and went into the kitchen, where he stepped into the cat’s food dish and got some of the mushy cat food on his feet, which he then tracked around the house and back to his place on the mantle.”

Photograph of actual Bigfoot prints found on kitchen floor.

The thought of this plastic toy coming alive at night and wandering about the house was terrifying.  She was afraid to go near it, and asked her husband to throw it out.  Bo agreed to get rid of the toy before the next trash pick-up, even though his son Butch liked to sit in the living room and stare at the toy for hours.

A few nights later, another amazing incident occurred, this time to husband Beauregard “Bo” Stickpan.  While deep asleep, Mr. Stickpan started to have a lucid dream.  The Bigfoot appeared to him in his dream, demanding that he get up and go into the living room, as the Bigfoot had something to say to him.  Mr. Stickpan got out of bed, and walked into the living room, standing before the mantle where the Bigfoot had been placed. Meanwhile,  Mrs. Stickpan suddenly woke up and noticed that her husband was gone.  She pulled herself out of bed and after determining that Bo was not in the bathroom discharging some of the six pack of beer he had guzzled earlier in the evening, she eventually found him standing in the living room in front of the Bigfoot toy, in a hypnotic state.

At that moment, Mrs. Stickpan, heard a loud noise outside.  She glanced out the window and saw a man trying to steal the tire off their 1990 Ford pick-up truck. She shook Bo and screamed at him to wake up.  “Someone is stealing our tire,” she shouted.  Bo woke up from his hypnotic state and ran outside, chasing away the tire thief.

The Bigfoot toy had evidently noticed the thief through the window, and had been trying to communicate with Bo via Psychic mental telepathy.  “The Bigfoot woke me up and was trying to tell me to look out the window,” said a flustered Bo Stickpan. I couldn’t quite make out what his grunts were all about, but luckily my wife came out and saw the thief through the window.  “That Bigfoot feller saved me from havin’ to buy a new tire and rim,” he said.  “I was goin’ to pitch that toy out into the trash, ’cause it scared the livin’  b’Jesus out of my boy, little Butch.  Now, Bigfoot’s part of our family.”

Latest member of the Stickpan family.

The Stickpans  have agreed to keep the toy and try to learn his language.  “We’ve grown accustomed to Bigfoot,” said Mrs. Stickpan.  “Although we haven’t seen our cat in two weeks.  I guess kitty didn’t like Bigfoot walking through her food bowl.”

Seattle is once again such a happy place.

Clown of the Year Award 2020

Dr. Claire Poche of the Oregon Health Authority Wins the Coveted Award for the Most Tasteless Video While Reading Covid 19 Deaths

Several officials of the Oregon Health Authority dressed in clown outfits to read the sick and death toll of the week and warn their constituency to beware of Halloween activities.

Dr. Vladimir Spookovsky, lead scientist at the Serbian Institute of Advanced Subliminal Studies in Belgrade, said that he believes the entire video is nothing more than a mind-control experiment to put fear of the virus into the minds of the public. “Dressing up to resemble “The Joker”, the evil clown in Batman, will scare the living daylights out of everyone.  Reading the death rolls and sick statistics is extremely frightening.  This is very advanced subliminal mind control activity, brilliant really.  Then another health person in a weird outfit starts telling kids to avoid regular Halloween activities.  This will cause extreme ongoing trauma in young children.  Even my Russian colleagues at the Moscow Advanced Brain and Brainless Population Research Society were astounded!”

 

Here is the video – NOT TO BE SHOWN TO CHILDREN UNDER 18 YEARS OLD.

The award was given by Charlie Bazooka, of the American Cartoonist and Visual Arsonist Society annual meeting in Lagos, Nigeria.  “It is very well deserved and I congratulate the Oregon Health Authority for their creative and totally tasteless video, which is sure to become a classic and set a high standard that will stand for decades.”

Trump Orders Troops To Guard Rocky and Bullwinkle Statue In West Hollywood.

24 Hour Protection From Harm By Anarchist Mobs

POTUS’ Favorite Cartoon Company.

by Charlie Bazooka

President Donald Trump yesterday ordered troops into Hollywood, California to protect the beloved Rocky and Bullwinkle Statue on the Sunset Strip. The statue has been targeted by a coalition of radical groups for destruction. “Rocky and Bullwinkle were my favorite cartoon characters when I was young,” said the President, “and I’m not going to stand by and see their precious memory destroyed by a bunch of crazies.”

Just which group is behind the terror campaign against the statue is unclear. It could be an alliance of several splinter groups. First there’s the Russians. Trump said he used to laugh out loud at the bumbling Russian spies in the cartoon. “All of us kids used to howl at the goofy Russians, Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale,” he said. “These cartoons prove that there was no collusion between my administration and the Russians. They are so incompetent that there is no way they influenced an American election.”

President Putin of the Russian Federation was contacted for comment. His office released a communique saying that the show “The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle” was a slander against the former Soviet Union. “The portrait of Soviet spies as bumbling idiots is just American propaganda. After all, our brave spies stole your Atomic secrets, the biggest spy coup in history,” said the officials. These statements lead some senior Trump Administration national security officials to suspect that Russia is secretly funding and encouraging the “take down” of the controversial statue of Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Another group suspected of involvement is a shadowy network of ex-Scientologists, who call themselves the Legion of Ron. “We are against all squirrels, be they human or animal,” one note said that was pinned to the base of the statue. A spokesman claiming to be a “real” Scientologist said that the Legion of Ron could be a “Legion of Squirrels” themselves. L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of the religious group said that those who try to use his teachings but are not in the Church of Scientology are “squirrels.”

A third group, known as Antifa Artists Against Statues of All Kinds, is composed of disenfranchised sculptors who say that their work is ignored and only a very few “elite” sculptors get fat commissions for their work. “We are going to tear down every statue in the world and then start over. We are going to send all the fat-cat, skinny moose, and tiny squirrel sculptors to their doom and then the public will be forced to deal with our group,” they said. The police have placed a high-priority watch on this group. They are seen in videos going around the country and pulling down any statue that they can find. “It is mindless destruction,” said William Roughbarn of the Police “Radical” Squad, known as The Ragged Edge Cops. “We have warrants for their top leadership. We think they are hiding out in Pottery camps.”

In addition, the Trump Administration is looking into the finances of the Disney Company. “Disney owns some of the fake news outlets who are always attacking me.” said President Trump. “That’s why their news is so Mickey Mouse.”

A Trump Administration official, speaking on the condition of anonymity, claimed that they have documents and gossip showing that the Disney company is secretly funding some of the groups. Disney has long been fighting Rocket J. Squirrel as their main enemy in the world of cartoons. Disney insiders consider Rocky and Bullwinkle to be anti-Mouse, and they will do anything to get them out of the way. The Squirrel and Moose people are suspected in many instances of slander against Mickey Mouse, the Disney mascot. The previous campaign by various cartoonists who are allied with Rocky have infiltrated Disney and done things to diss the mouse.  Their most successful smear campaign a decade ago was “Moose Over Mouse, Your Duck Is Being Squirreled.”

The troops, who have arrived to protect the statue, have parked their vehicles and tanks in private area garages, so as to keep a low profile.  They have set up sniper positions on the rooftops surrounding the statue, which looks out over the Sunset Strip.

“The weird thing about this statue,” said a local resident, on condition of anonymity, “is that sometimes on a hot summer night, Rocky the flying squirrel can be seen soaring up and down over the Sunset Strip.  I swear it’s Rocky, saying hello to all down below, laughing and having a ball.”  The Mayor of Hollywood, Gertrude Pennypoop, upon hearing that, ordered the City to run a test on the City’s water supply, to make sure there are no psychedelics present.

Statue of Bob’s Big Boy Toppled in Topeka

Skinny Vegetarians Riot Against Fat White Boys

by Charlie Bazooka

A raging mob of skinny vegetarian protesters toppled a statue of the famous “Bob’s Big Boy” in Topeka, Kansas, last night. They did this by tying ropes on the statue that stood in front of the local Bob’s Restaurant, one of many in the world famous chain. Bob’s was started in Glendale, California by a local high school student in 1935. His burgers were so good that his little burger stand grew into a huge chain. The logo, a plump, happy white fellow, became a beloved figure to millions of people of all colors who flocked to the restaurant for one of his delicious hamburgers.

“We are just devastated by the riots last night,” said Freddy Spamsucker, the manager. “These mobs were vicious. They broke our windows and then tied ropes to the statue of our Big Boy out in front and pulled it off the pedestal and dragged it away.” The statue was last seen being dragged toward New York, where it will probably end up in a tony art gallery with a big price on it.

The night of violence did not end there, however. Angry diners, allegedly Bob’s customers, poured out of the restaurant with guns blazing and shot 33 protesters dead. Bedlam ensued, and the police were called. However, before the police arrived on the bloody scene, a pack of ravenous, rabid Kansas prairie coyotes came out of nowhere and dragged off the bodies of the fallen protesters. Goofus McKinnley, Lt. In charge, said that the police have not been able to retrieve the bodies. “We don’t even know the names of the deceased rioters,” said officer McKinnley, “but you betcha we’ll find out.”

The police are organizing a search and rescue party to look for the missing protesters. Under an old Kansas law that dates back to the Civil War, the families of “rebels” can be held financially responsible for the deeds of their dearly departed. Vegetarians were declared “rebels” last year by the Governor, as they don’t eat pork products, and are therefore considered a threat to society. The skinny vegans, afraid of the consequences of the “Rebel Law”, have gone underground. They have even taken to stuffing crumpled-up newspapers under their clothes to appear to be on the plump side, like most of the other farm community residents. “They have managed to blend in with the population, “ said Police Sgt. Jethro Roughbarn. “but they don’t fool me, I can spot one of those phony ham eaters a mile away.” According to Sgt. Roughbarn, the vegetarians have taken to stealing newspapers out of news racks in order to make their women look plump. “There’s a reward from the Topeka Farm & Orchard Gazette for information on the criminals who are stealing their news sheets,” he said.

Meanwhile, restaurant manager Spamsucker also offered a reward of $300 for the return of the Big Boy statue. Rumors from the vegetarian community was that the offer was immediately rejected. “We have other plans for Mister Big Boy, said “Mellissa” a spokesperson for the vegetarian underground. “We’re tired of the fat White Boys who run this country,” she said. She warned that the “String-bean Woman’s Collective” has joined forces with the “Emaciated Shadow Men’s Punk Band” to take over the entire U.S. Government. They are braced for a long protracted fight.

“There’s never a dull moment here in Topeka,” said one bystander, who wishes to remain anonymous.

Medical Mask Mind Control Plot Exposed!

Scientists Discover Medical Masks Treated With A Mind-Control Substance That Works As A Subliminal Chemical!

by Charlie Bazooka

Los Angeles area mind-control victim.

A team of Serbian doctors and scientists from the Institute of Advanced Subliminal Studies in Belgrade, Serbia, have made a startling discovery.  Medical masks imported from China have been sprayed with a mind-control substance that delivers a punch that is more insidious than anything ever seen before.

“This is unbelievable,” said Dr. Vladimir Spookovsky, lead scientist at the Institute.  “The masks, possibly millions of them, have been sprayed with a chemical that is meant to affect the person who puts it on.”  People put on the mask in order to be safe from the Covid 19 virus, and instead, according to the scientist, are being influenced subliminally by a chemical that will make them do something that they would not otherwise do.”

The scientific team has been working for months to identify the chemical that is used on the masks, and have finally isolated it.  “This is a similar task to that of tracking down the Corona virus.” Said Dr. Spookovsky. ” We found this insidious chemical to be the same as that found in New Car spray cans.”  A very small amount was sprayed onto each mask.  “The idea,”  said the scientist, “is to make anyone who puts on the mask and takes a couple of breaths to subconsciously want to go out and buy a new car.”

Boosting car sales through subliminal scent sprayed on medical masks.  This is not the brand sprayed on the masks, but a similar one.

The head of the Automotive Advertiser’s Co-op Bureau, one of the largest in the industry, was shocked to hear about the findings.  “Let’s face it” said Mrs. Henry Ford XVIIth, “Everyone knows that the new car business is in a slump because of the Covid 19 virus.  Although subliminal scent merchandising is not illegal, I don’t know who would do such a thing.  It is obviously meant to influence folks to run out and buy a new car.  Everyone loves the smell of a brand new car, and by spraying the masks, it is intended to boost sales.”

Unsold cars collecting dust in the San Fernando Valley.

Contrary to popular belief, it is not illegal to use subliminal advertising in America, although it is considered unethical.  However, using advanced chemical scent to boost sales has never been done before, as far as is known. Dr. Spookovsky said that it is impossible to determine exactly when or where the chemical was sprayed on the masks.  “We suspect that someone in a mask factory in China, wearing a mask to hide his or hers identity from tightly controlled manufacturing plants, inserted the spray at some point in the manufacturing process.  “It had to be carefully done,” said the scientist, “because if they had used too much of the spray it would make a person sick and fling off the mask.  It was a brilliant operation.”

We are checking with various automotive companies to carefully compare the sales charts and see if a certain brand, like Toyota, suddenly has a huge sales spike.  This insidious plot may be just the first instance of many that may surface in the future.  Certain scents surreptitiously sprayed may make folks go out and do other things.  A scent of new carpet could spur house sales.  Flower scents could cause folks to go splurge on buying flowers at the markets.The scent of popcorn could make people want to go to a movie theater.  A sex scent could really cause havoc, especially if it got into religious institutions.    The list is endless.  We are trying to contact medical mask factories in China, but have not heard back from them.

But the worst news is still to come.  We have learned that certain scientists are conducting experiments to learn the effect of scents on animals.  Their basic instincts could be highlighted and this could lead to real mahem.  It would be like catnip but much, much worse.  And we certainly don’t want to see animal to human transmission.

Millions of Chinese Refuse To Come Out of Lockdown!

They Would Rather Stay Home With Their Sex Toys

by Charlie Bazooka

A shocking new report smuggled out of the Chinese city of Wuhan reveals that it’s citizens are refusing to come out of “lockdown” and instead want to stay home with their sex dolls and sex toys!  Officials from the Chinese Communist Party are in “meltdown”.  A senior government official, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said that if the citizens don’t get back to work soon, their economy could suffer a drop of 13% in this year’s GDP, which is similar to that of the country of Zamboanga in Africa.

Dr. Wanna B. Loon, director of the Chinese Psychiatric Bureau, said that the workers started to like the fact that they could stay at home and be paid by the government, as well as having their food delivered by Communist Party volunteers.  “This is an entirely new syndrome,” said Dr. Loon.  “Months of being home alone led the workers to order sex toys and sex dolls by the millions.  They found that this would help them pass the time, along with internet funny panda videos.”

“This is the most serious situation to ever hit China,” he continued.  After all, not only will factory production fall, but it will also lead to a falling birthrate.”  Dr. Loon predicted that the Chinese population could drop in the the next three decades down to the size of that of Alaska.  This could happen because the men and women are much more satisfied with their sex toys and they don’t need to go through all the pain and cost of getting married and having children.  “The  Corona virus has exposed a weakness in our society,”  said Dr. Loon. “A $300 sex doll is cheaper than putting a kid through college or buying your wife a new car.”  And he warned that other countries, such as the United States, with a similar lockdown, could be next.  As birthrates decline, sales of sex toys skyrocket.

Happy Chinese workers throw a birthday party in a sex toy factory.

“Look at some of the European countries, like Italy,” he said.  “Their birthrate is falling so fast that in ten years you won’t be able to find a plate of spaghetti in a restaurant.”  He added that “the irony is that the Italians got not only the virus from Chinese bats, but also the noodles and sex toys, all of which originated in China.  It’s just a quirk  of history,” he said.

The sex toy industry in China is huge.  Their online sales company, Alibaba, is bigger than amazon.com  They list over 64,000 manufacturers and sellers of sex dolls and sex toys of all kinds.  Luckily, the sex industry is situated is Southern China where the virus did not result in a lockdown yet.  So the factories are pumping out tons of toys, most of which are going north to the cities that were in lockdown.  An industry sex toy mogul, Mr. Jim Quack Low, said that sales are booming, not only in China, but ominously also in America.  “We see sales going through the roof in states like California, where the population is already confined to their homes.  Plus, the people of California are already crazed drug addicts and sex fiends, so our products are finding a ready market.”  So many packages are being shipped to California that the entire U.S. Postal System is on the verge of collapse.  An American postal official, speaking on condition of strict anonymity, said this is because China is classed as a developing nation and gets a really cheap shipping rate, even less than Jeff Bezos gets for amazon.com.  The Chinese factories can ship a sex toy from China to the U.S. for as little as $1.75 into the waiting hands of eager Americans who will scurry back to their apartments and draw the drapes.

California Governor as depicted in Street Art by angry citizens.

Although Churches have been closed, all liquor stores are open.  Californians are being paid to stay at home, and given money from both the State and Federal government.  They have always benefited from world-class porn sites on the internet, and now they can buy cheap sex dolls from China and snuggle in their apartments to wile away the lonely months of lockdown.  A minister for the New Improved Methodist church, Rev. Spike Whiteflower, said that Satan has taken hold of the entire State.  He has accused the Governor of being an agent of Lucifer for closing the Churches and unleashing a flood of pornography.  “This is just what we have been fearing from Revelation in the bible” he said. He urged Californians to stop the boozing, turn off the internet porn, throw out the sex toys, and get back to work.  He is planning a tour next month of some of the sex doll factories in China, a fact-finding mission of sorts.  We will await his report.