Everything You Thought You Knew Is Wrong
A Shaky Look at Then and Now
by Charlie Bazooka
Now you know how Alice really felt on her journey with the white rabbit down the hole to another dimension. You can live it and feel it for yourself. In just a week, everything we knew has done a 180. Every freakin’ thing is upside down, backwards. Think about these things, and then add some to the list:
- The American Mantra – be a good citizen, get a job and go to work every day. We need taxpayers. Really? Now we are ordered by our twin Mad Hatters, the Governor and the Mayor to stay at home. Lock yourself in and don’t go out. Order pizza every night, you’ll get to like it even more.
- It was illegal to wear a mask on City Streets a couple weeks ago, now you can be arrested for NOT wearing one.
- The markets spent millions of dollars on advertising campaigns to help save the oceans from the scourge of plastic bag pollution by bringing your own bag to put your groceries in. Now your own bags are forbidden, and the markets give you bags for free. Gee, then why did they charge us 10 cents per bag a couple weeks ago? The virus made them generous.
- The children would be arrested by Mr. Truant officer if they played hooky from school. Now the Mayor orders the schools closed. Hey, the kids learn everything they need from youtube anyway.
- The righteous parents have spent years screaming about those awful video games their kids are playing on their computers. Now, they are told to play video games for hours to keep the kids occupied.
- The Federal Government spends millions telling taxpayers to pay up, they need the money. Now, it turns out that they really don’t need it, they just print however much they need every week. And they are sending out billions to most citizens to prove it. Gee, the virus has lowered taxes and gotten us a hand-out.
- Our capitalist rulers have for years tried to coach folks to become entrepreneurs and start their own businesses. Now, the Mad Hatter twins have ordered most of them to close down. It turns out, they say, that we only need a few stores. Plus waiting in long lines keeps you occupied and out of trouble. This is something the Mad Hatters learned from reading about life in the old Soviet Union.
- The homeless were a big problemo in the past. The Mad Hatter twins let them sleep in tent cities underneath all the freeways. Now, there’s plenty of money, compliments of Mr. Virus. The homeless are being sent to refurbished hotels where they will live for free, and get free food to boot. Does anyone blame the starving poor of the world who want to get in here for these good deals? Better put barbed wire on top of that wall Mr. Trump.
- Toilet Paper companies used to spend a fortune advertising on TV to convince you to buy their brand. Now they can’t produce it fast enough. TP sells out immediately every day. A dream come true for Charmin. No need for ANY more ads, and by the way, the TP companies can now stop this double layer nonsense and go to one-sheet paper, extra thin. Rumor has it that the perforations will be the next to go.
- “Consumerism” is now on the road to obliteration. Retail stores like Macys are going bankrupt. Let’s face facts. If the retail stores are closed then you won’t need any money to buy anything because there will be nothing to buy. Our trade deficit with China will soon be headed in the right direction
Send us your own thoughts on this upside-down world and thank Mr. Virus for all the hand outs and free stuff we’re getting. If only we could watch some baseball games now that we are always home, it might be considered a little bit of upside down paradise.