We, The Sheeple<\/p>\n
by “Five”<\/em><\/p>\n fiveguy@yahoo.com<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FADE IN:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n EXT. THE PARK\u2014BRIGHT SUNNY DAY<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Various groups of people are gathered at the park engaged in different activities. A young man and woman toss a Frisbee back and forth, as another couple are sitting on a blanket sharing a sandwich. Others are strolling along enjoying the beautiful day: Some with pets, some without. The HEAVY BREATHING of a jogger can be heard as the CAMERA PICKS UP a 30ish, slightly overweight man, FRED WILSON, who appears to be working up a sweat. He approaches another thirty-something man, PETER JONES, who is walking a dog. He stops to greet his good friend and work colleague.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Peter, how’s it going?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A! B-A-A-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Terrific! Sure is a gorgeous day, isn’t it?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: It most certainly is. How’s the wifey-pooh?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n A dreamy look adorns Peter’s face. It’s obvious he’s a happily married man.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A… B-A-A…B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: She’s just fine. Fred, I honestly think I’m the luckiest man in the world.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Fred responds with a friendly pat on Peter’s back, and then attempts to pet his friend’s pooch. The dog does not comply but instead BARKS.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n (puts index finger to lips)<\/p>\n B-A-A-A! B-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Hush, Fido! Or I won’t give you a treat when we get home.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 2.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Fido obediently quits barking. Peter gives the dog a pat on the head, then turns to Fred.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: I’m not sure what\u2019s wrong with him. He’s been acting a little strange lately.<\/p>\n It’s like his panties are on too tight.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Fred attempts to pet the dog once again. Fido responds the same as before and BARKS.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n (to Fido)<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A? B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: What’s wrong, fella? Would you rather wear a pair of loose boxers?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Fido BARKS again and Fred shakes his head to mean \u201cPoor, doggie.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: I was just watching CNN. Did you hear that the Federal Reserve is considering<\/p>\n removing IN GOD WE TRUST from all paper money?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n (stunned)<\/p>\n B-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: No… You’re kidding, right?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: I’m not kidding. They plan to replace it with IGNORANCE IS BLISS. What<\/p>\n do you think about that?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Fred takes a moment to reflect before responding.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n 3.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED (CONT’D)<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: I guess it would be more fair to the atheists. Can’t imagine how much turmoil<\/p>\n they must be in every time they look at a dollar bill.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Peter stares at his friend with a look of amazement.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Wow, that’s the same thing Ethyl said. You know her father’s an atheist, bless<\/p>\n his heart. I actually watched him rip a twenty dollar bill into shreds once.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: You don’t say?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: I most certainly did. Did you know he’s a staunch advocate for a universal<\/p>\n microchip? Get rid of that goddam green stuff altogether.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n (nods in agreement)<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: That’s not a bad idea. All those stinking germs… Sometimes I hate touching the<\/p>\n stuff.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: That reminds me. The CDC is predicting a horrific epidemic of the Evian flu.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n (in disbelief)<\/p>\n What?<\/p>\n 4.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Hell, yeah… They say it’s going to strike one in two people who drink Evian<\/p>\n water.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: I never touch the stuff. I’m strictly a Smart Water guy. And you know my I.Q.<\/p>\n has increased nearly ten points since I started drinking it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Peter gives him an impressive look as well as a thumb’s up. Fred volleys back with a cocky head gesture.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Yep… I’ve gone from the mid-70s all the way up to the mid-80s.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: No kidding?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A! B-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Just last week I got slightly more than one-quarter of TV Guide’s crossword<\/p>\n puzzle answers right. That’s a whooping fifty percent! Not bad, eh?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Peter gives Fred an exuberant \u201cHIGH-FIVE\u201d as the pooch wags its tail.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A! B-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: That’s freakin’ awesome! What’s next for you… Wheel Of Fortune?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 5.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: In my dreams… Do you know how much I love that show?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: I know, I know… You constantly give me daily updates at work.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n As a female jogger approaches, Fred BLEATS in a hushed tone.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A?… B-A-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Peter, can I tell you something? And you promise never to repeat it to my wife?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Peter holds up the index and middle finger of his right hand as the female jogger passes by.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Scout’s honor.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Fred wipes his brow and takes a conspiratorial look around before saying…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: I think Pat Sajak is one very sexy son-of-a-bitch…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-<\/p>\n B-A-A-A!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: That’s no great revelation. I think every man in America feels that way!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Fred takes another look around before continuing.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Peter, if I were gay Pat Sajak would be at the top of the list of the men I’d want<\/p>\n to sleep with.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Fido BARKS at this confession and happily wags his tail.<\/p>\n 6.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A? B-A-A-A…-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Fred, what are you saying? Are you… gay?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A…-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Well…no… But I did have a recent dream that Pat Sajak and I met up at a seedy<\/p>\n leather bar in West Hollywood. Talk about morning wood!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Fido begins to hump Fred’s leg.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Down boy!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The dog heeds the command as another jogger goes by. Fred gives the pooch a nice friendly pat on the head as Peter looks at his watch.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Well, got to get going. I promised the wife dinner at Marie Callender’s.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A!… B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A–<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: I love that place! Hey, you’re not going to mention the dream to my wife–<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: I’m not a frivolous liar, Fred. When I say \u201cScout’s honor\u201d I truly mean it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: I know. Thanks for being a great friend!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Fred gives the pooch another pat on the head. The dog wags his tail ecstatically.<\/p>\n 7.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n (to Fido)<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: And you enjoy that delicious treat when you get home…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Fred gives Peter a friendly hug as they exchange good-byes.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: You tell that lovely wife of yours I said \u201chello.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n PETER<\/p>\n B-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: I will. And next time you have a wet dream starring Pat Sajak, give him my<\/p>\n warmest regards.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n FRED<\/p>\n B-A-A-A… B-A-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Will do. See you at work Monday morning.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Fred jogs away in one direction, as Peter and Fido walk away in the other direction. The CAMERA PICKS UP an older MARRIED COUPLE strolling along hand-in-hand as Fred jogs past them.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n OLDER MAN<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: I love you, Gertrude…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n OLDER WOMAN<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Did you renew your Viagra prescription, Bunny Rabbit?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n OLDER MAN<\/p>\n (with a lecherous wink)<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: What do you think?<\/p>\n 8.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n They both stop dead in their tracks and share a long, passionate kiss and embrace.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n OLDER WOMAN<\/p>\n (seductively)<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: Who\u2019s your sexy mama?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The old man reaches around and grabs her ass.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n OLDER MAN<\/p>\n B-A-A-A-A-A-A\u2026<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Subtitle reads: I think we both know the answer to that one\u2026<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n FADE OUT.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We, The Sheeple by “Five” fiveguy@yahoo.com WE, THE SHEEPLE FADE IN: EXT. THE PARK\u2014BRIGHT SUNNY DAY Various groups of people are gathered at the park engaged in different activities. A young man and woman toss a Frisbee … Continue reading WE, THE SHEEPLE<\/h1>\n